Today is Day 3 of the Blogtober 2026 Challenge and the topic for today is A Lesson I Learnt The Hard Way.
Sadly, this was very easy for me. My husband always said if when something major happens you always find out who is there for you. This was so true after I lost him last year.
Table of Contents
The Start Of My Lessons
Last February, I lost my husband suddenly and with no warning. The shock of this alone I am still suffering with. Bring into the picture my stepsons – his two boys who I have been in their lives most of their life. It is/was always me they came too, if they needed something.
It was a month between my husband dying and his funeral. During this time, I had so much stress and a week after he died the stress and pain started.
The eldest (or I am assuming it was) told their mum about him dying and about the funeral. I was told on a Monday evening she and all her family would be going. They did nothing but cause trouble when he was alive, especially when the boys were young. I got so upset I thought I was having a heart attack. Poor C was sat watching me scared, I managed to calm myself down and that is when I realised I had my first panic attack.
Fast forward to 4 days before the funeral. There was a lot more stress and I ended up falling down our stairs. We have old Victorian stairs that are very steep and deep. I fell and the pain was bad, next thing I remember is C and my mum standing over me and I was aware I was making moaning noises. Mum thought I had a stroke and C said a seizure.
We spent the night in A&E, I had broken my big toe and had a seizure. They put it down to all the stress I had been under.
Moving Forward
After the funeral, both the boys caused so much stress. Now they both blame each other or will be telling tales about what the other. They just can not help themselves.
The Eldest
The eldest took an overdose last Summer. I saw him the following day as was seeing my grandkids. I went to see him and he took another in front of me. Visit cut short and I was sitting in A&E with him. One morning after I woke to messages from his then partner had I heard from him.
He eventually rang me and said he was on his way to my house. He had his work clothes and nothing else. I got him seen by mental health team, spoke to his employers and took him shopping for clothes. He also at this stage spoke to his brother on speaker and his brother bad mouthed me saying I had done various things, which proved it was all a load of lies. He left me a couple of days later and that was the last I saw of him.
The last time I spoke to him was months ago when I heard he had been saying he is not paying for his child. As apparently my husband had left money to the mum. All a load of lies and if he had left anything it would have been to his grandchild nor his grandchild mum. I spoke to him and he screamed so much abuse down the phone and then hung up – so I blocked him
The Younger One
Every single week, there would be some drama or something. I had panic attack after panic attack, always starting on a Friday. He caused so much stress and hatred.
It all came to a head when I called him and his partner out on lies., and then got very nasty – to the point I have every message and every voice message saved.
It went quiet and I started to have a much calmer life. Until I was arranging a memorial get together to scatter some of my husbands ashes. He somehow found out and threatened me with so much. Queue another huge panic attack and I realised enough was enough. I blocked him on everything and contacted the police so it is on record, with a harassment order being served if they made contact again.
What I have Learnt
Some people just like drama or being nasty and vile. I have done so much for the pair of them, I know my husband would be the first to say block them both and move on. I also know they would never dare speak to me like that if he was here. My mother in law and sister in law – together with other friends and family have all said I have done the right thing.
They caused me so much pain, that grieving just was not possible. Now I have a much calmer life and no panic attacks.
I now know I can walk away and not look back.
