Starting a family is one of the most emotional things you can go through. From the excitement of talking about starting a family to becoming pregnant. From that moment on you start to worry, your hormones are all over the place. You worry is the baby growing ok, when did you last feel your baby move. Sometimes these worries are not easily ignored. This week is Babyloss Awareness Week 2024, and I am sharing my story.
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My Story
Losing a baby is one of the most heartbreaking, emotional and lonely things you can go through. I never really wanted children until I met my husband and he had two young boys. I loved being a stepmum, and I became pregnant by surprise. I had my first miscarriage in January 2000. It knocked me as I had not realised I was pregnant and from that moment on I knew I wanted to be a mum. To carry my growing baby and have that bond mother and child can have.
Over the years, my yearning to become a mum was all I could think about. Seeing my husband and the way his eyes lit up and that unconditional love you could see. Melted my heart but also was a stab through it as I still had that longing. I lost 8 babies, and over those brief years my mental and physical health suffered. Until 2003 when I became pregnant with C. I have written a post about my story of becoming a Mum which I wrote with raw emotion and have not gone back and corrected which you can view here.
You Are Not Alone
When you lose a baby or babies you feel so alone. Your emotions and hormones are all over the place. Everywhere you look you see babies or pregnant people. You get angry, asking why me? Believe me I have been through every emotion going. It is an emotional time, you are not alone though. You have your partner, family and friends.
Some might not know what to say, but just having them there does help. There are organisations that can help, where you can talk to others going through the same heartbreak and emotions.
Everything Changed
I was literally at rock bottom early 2003, my GP told me to take a break for 3 months. To give my body and mental health a break, plus they were referring me to another Consultant. Somehow, I took this advice and I began to feel a little stronger. In early March, someone at work made a comment about how I was looking, and someone asked if I was pregnant. I said no and they said are you sure. They had a spare pregnancy test at home and got it for me at lunch. I spoke to my husband, he said do the test. Every single test I had taken previously, would always be a faint line no matter how far along I was. With this one, I got the strongest biggest positive line.
After a worrying 9 months, C was born and the moment I held her for that very first time I felt that unconditional love. She is turning 21 next month, and I feel that I have blinked and she has grown into an amazing young woman. That unconditional love is still there.
If You Are Going Through Babyloss
If you are going through this heartbreaking time, or know someone who is. Please remember you are not alone there are organisations that you can get help and advice from, and talk to others. Also my inbox is always open if you need to talk, rant or cry.
Thank you for sharing your story so candidly. You wrote your post beautifully despite the raw emotion which must still be present all these years later. I’ve no doubt that it will help others.
Thank you, it did help me to write that post, even though it was years later and I was a Mum it is still there. When we watch something on tv and miscarriage is mentioned it all comes flooding back in my mind. I wrote this not only for myself to let it out but also let others know they are not alone as that is one of the worst things you feel
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how difficult and painful that experience. Sometimes it is just so hard to have a successful pregnancy.
I am glad you have C now. We’re still TTC but your story inspired us. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, it was a tough time, and as you are probably aware when TTC it just seems to be babies everywhere. I do not know if it helped or not but being told to take a break I literally did. I think I was so worn down I had no fight in me anymore. Taking the whole pressure off and not even thinking about TTC I got pregnant 21 years later I still love every day of being a Mum. Your time will come xx
Thank you for sharing your emotional story. It’s very challenging to move on from such a big thing.
It is hard for anyone who has suffered a loss, I share my story to hopefully let others know they are not alone
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. That’s really so heat breaking. You are strong and so brave to share your story with us.
It was an emotional time and I feel so blessed to have my daughter. If sharing reaches and helps just one person then I feel I have helped in some way
This was such a heartbreaking experience you shared. From my experience, sharing has helped me release and get support.
When I wrote my original post, it was just raw and I did not go back and change it to word it better as I wanted the emotions to come through. It is a heartbreaking thing to go through and you very lonely which is why I share
Losing a baby is definitely the hardest thing for a mom. You are truly amazing and your message is pretty inspiring!
Thank you, I share every year to hopefully help someone realise they are not alone
As a mom myself, I can imagine the pain. My sister also experienced the same thing and it was tough on her. The whole family was just there to support her. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am so sorry your sister went through the same, having support around you really does help even if you think you are not helping
You are very brave to share your story of baby loss for Babyloss Awareness Week.
It is something I share each year, I was totally exhausted mentally and physically. If my story helps just one person it is worth sharing
I feel very lucky to have never experienced this myself but I have supported friends who have had multiple losses. It is so hard and I really have so much empathy for anybody who has been through the loss of a baby.
Having support around you from family and friends really does help, it is the hardest thing anyone can go through
This is a good time to remember and honor these babies.
It certainly is, I often think of what would have been and they have never been forgotten
Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve only ever lost one baby and that was at 11 weeks, they would have been 20 yrs old now. The doctors said I was too old and wouldn’t have any more children (I had two in my 20s) but I ended up having 3 in my 40s. They were not easy pregnancies ( I nearly lost one at 29 weeks but she hung on to 38 weeks!) And my youngest was an elective c-section because of the complications. I was told at 16 weeks that he wouldn’t make it, but he did, he’s a strapping 14 year old now!
I am sorry you suffered a loss, and had some very intense pregnancies. It is so lovely to hear that your babies hung on in there. It is such a hard and heartbreaking topic to go through and discuss
I can’t begin to imagine the heartbreak, but it is so important to talk about it with others and seek help and support.
It is one of the most heartbreaking things you can experience, talking about it, sharing your experiences and being there for others really can help
I’m sure that was very difficult for you. You are so brave in sharing this story of yours with us.
It was a very hard time, but sharing helps me with the losses plus hopefully helping others who are going through it
my thoughts are with all
well done to be able to speak
It is an emotional experience and heartbreaking and if I can help at least one person with my story and personal experience I am happy
I can not even begin to imagine how painful those years must have been. It is something that is still not openely talked about
I have never experienced pain and heartbreak like it, words do not even come close to how I felt. I speak about it once a year to share my story to hopefully help others
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s one that so many women have experienced. No one really knows how difficult it is to lose a baby unless it’s happened to them. Thank you for shining a light on this awareness week.
It is something that is not openly talked about, hence the feeling of being lonely. The heartbreak is real and sharing my story once a year during awareness week. Helps me with my emotions as I have never forgot but also hopefully helps others going through this
Bless you, what a heartbreaking experience. Thank you for sharing. Lots and lots of love xxx
Thank you, I still remember the emotions and heartbreak and never forgotten any of my babies I lost. But also remember the lonliness and feeling no one understood which is why I share my story in the hope it helps others
This must be the most difficult life event a person would go through, I can’t even imagine the emotions, the heartbreak, the sadness….But you’re a survivor and I love your message of hope! You’re amazing.
Thank you it is a very emotional thing to go through. I am a survivor and even though I never forget the babies I lost I am forever grateful to have C and share my story to let others know they are not alone