I am bringing my weekly discussion post back, and would like to thank you all for your topic suggestions. A recent suggestion that has been made is How To Cope When Losing A Pet. This is something, as you know we have been through. It was a year last Thursday that we had to say goodbye to our much loved dog Max.
We got Max as a rescue at the age of 10 months old. He certainly came into our home and made himself part of the family very quickly. We did get Max quite quickly after losing our previous dog, at a very old age. This was something, we had to do, as the other dog we had was pining.
Max was an Alaskan Malamute, similar to a husky but totally different and a lot bigger. He was a massive character, he loved to argue, he loved to do things in his time even if it was 2 seconds later. He knew when you were sad and needed cheering up. He was also very very cheeky,
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A Year Ago
We knew Max was getting old, he was getting stiff in his back legs, he struggled getting up and we started having the odd accident in doors. But, nothing prepared us for how quickly we would be saying goodbye. One evening, he was lying in the kitchen and could not get up. We tried everything we could do, to help him.
The next day, he was in the same position, my husband refused to give up on him. As Max was still eating and drinking, playing ball by nudging it to us. He was talking to us in his Max way (Mal owners will know what this is). There was nothing wrong with him, apart from not being able to stand up. We sat on that hard kitchen floor with him the whole time, he probably enjoyed all the fuss and attention. But, we knew this was the end, I told my husband he had to make the decision. We both knew this was the best thing for him.
We all said our goodbyes, and C amazed me with sitting with him while the vet came and sent him into his final sleep.
How Did We Get Over Our Loss
Everyone, grieves differently. Myself and C found it easier to talk about Max, where as my husband would pick and choose when he would. We all found it very hard and found our own ways of dealing with the loss.
I found the house far too quiet without him, I missed arguing with him if he was in the way. Or his chunters if we walked passed him without saying hello.
Very strangely though, One day about 6 months after losing Max I was making a coffee and just felt he was right there with me, just behind me which he often did. It was so real I had to turn to see if he was there. A few days later, my husband said he had the most vivid dream, which he never does. That Max was standing with jay our dog prior to Max. They were talking to him with Jay saying its ok Dad I am looking after Max. With Max telling him he is ok and happy. This turned out to be the same day, I had felt Max right there by me. Whether you think I am strange or not. I have had a previous experience of this when my Grandad died years ago.
Since this day, my husband can talk about him now, and look at other dogs. We have also discussed about getting another dog in the future. Currently, we are getting a pair of golden retrievers.
Tips For The Whole Family
When we lose a pet, it is like losing a family member. They are part of the family. So the grief is real, which is why when we lose someone close or a much loved pet, it affects us all. We all grieve in different ways, I know we all did. Below are some of the things that helped us through.
- Cry – If you feel the need to cry then cry, let those emotions out
- Talk – Just because they are no longer there, keep their memory alive by talking about them. Share funny stories and memories, it is ok to laugh about them as well
- Miss Them – It is ok to feel that empty void, that they once filled. Even now I find I miss Max, to the extent I call him in from the garden if not thinking
- Be There – Make sure you are there for each other. It will hit you all on and off at different times. Knowing you can talk to them about how you are feeling
- Memorial – Some people find having a little memorial in the garden helps. A little cross or plant a tree or a bush. This is where you can sit and remember them when feeling sad
As I said C found it easier to talk about Max, where as my husband found it too emotional to talk about him. You are all grieving, and sharing the emotions there is no right or wrong. Most of all never feel guilty.
Do you have any tips to share?
good to talk about real feelings regardless of what others may think ! really helps to move forward
Talking does help with any loss, the not talking is what is worse. I was talking to a friend yesterday and it really did help my mood
My beautiful, gentle Persian boy was put to sleep last week completely unexpectedly. Although he was nearly 16 years old, his illness was such a shock as he seemed perfectly well and happy and was incredibly patient and forgiving of our youngest showering him with cuddles and carries.
I am still at the stage where I’m putting my hand out on the sofa then realising he’s not there. However, I am comforted by your husband’s dream about your dog and your sense of his presence. Perhaps my boy’s older Persian brother is looking after him where he is now. I like to think so.
I am so sorry, it is heartbreaking to lose a pet. They are so much more than just an animal, they become part of the family with their unique personalities.
I am positive Max was telling us he was ok, to me when making a drink as he was always there to my husband having that dream when he never dreams. He will be with your older cat and they will be there together watching over you all x
I appreciate you sharing this post and we lost our family dog of 17 years last year and my daughter was in love with him so much…. they were attached at the hip to be honest and were never not together. She was very sad afterward but did OK. She stayed with him when they put him down as she did not want him to be alone without her…. she is so brave and strong and he is forever her soul dog. He was our precious little chihuahua.
I am so sorry you went through the same last year. It is heartbreaking when we lose a part of the family. It really does affect us all.
We don’t have any pet but I can understand how it feels like. I am sorry for your loss. You shared some helpful tips here.
Thank you, it is how we can help and support each other as a family
I definitely agree that losing a pet is like losing a family member. It is indeed very challenging to get over the loss.
It is like losing a member of the family, as they are a huge part of the family
It’s never easy to say goodbye to our pets. This post made me emotional and cry. I felt that space of energy where your Max was and is. The energy flow he’s generated while living on this Earth will always be bound with you, as you each and all continue loving him. And remembering him.
He will be always alive and living while your memories create a flow of love for him to flow around you, to be in your hearts, and to continue on the path of living this life.
Saying goodbye is so hard, I did feel peace when I felt him right there, especially when my husband said he had such a vivid dream with him and our old dog. I do also think Max has left his spirit with Bear as he does some very Max things which he never did before
Losing a pet is so hard. I’ve been there and it felt like i lost a part of me.These are great tips.
Am sorry for your loss, it is all about being there for each other and grieving in your own way
It’s like losing a family member. It’s never easy and it’s one of the hardest things about getting a pet. I know my time with each is very limited but it’s worth the years of joy and love they bring into the home.
I agree, the happiness they bring is so worth the heartache we feel, giving them the best life in return makes it easier with the loss
It is so difficult when you lose a family pet. I have a cat, who’s basically my son, and I feel like he’s going to have to outlive me at this rate. Thank you for these tips and I am sorry for your loss.
It is sad when they get old my cat I had from a tiny kitten in my hand until she was 23. My previous dog before Max was an old man he was my rock through a lot of personal heartbreak. Max well he was such a huge character and so lucky to have had him in our lives
This is one thing currently putting me off pet ownership as the attachment would be unreal and dealing with a pet loss would be awful xxx
They really are a part of the family and he was my baby, we will get another dog at some stage but not yet. Luckily Bear seems happy at the moment being the only one as he gets more cuddles
Losing a pet is so difficult – good tips for all the family
It is hard, and understanding each others emotions is so important
Losing a pet is never easy, but your article provided some much needed comfort and guidance.
It is hard, very hard but also something that people do not talk about which is sad. The topic idea for discussion came at the right time as it is a year since we lost Max and easy to share how we all coped together but so differently
I’m so sorry for your loss. These are great tips as pets are a part of the family so grieving for them is the same as with family members.
Grieving for a pet is the same as a family member as they are part of the family and a huge part of it.
Max sounds like such a character. I can sympathise having lost pets over the years. It can be exceptionally hard when you’ve had them for a long time as they really do become part of the family.
He was a huge character which is why we still miss him so much now, he was not a typical Mal which is why he was a dog in a million
Oh, gosh. Your post has left me with a lump in my throat. Like your husband, I cannot talk about the pets I have lost as I always end up blubbing. It takes many months to get past that stage and, even then, I cannot bring myself to adopt another pet. As someone who prefers to adopt elderly rescue cats, I should by now be able to manage the decision and the vet appointment better but I fail every time.
I enjoyed reading about, and looking at, the photos of your lovely boy, though. I also like the idea of a little memorial for a lost pet, particularly or children. Thank you for the post.
I did get very teary when writing the post, I can not believe just how much of a hole he has left. We got Max quite quickly after losing Jay are previous dog for a few reasons, So he filled that hole, even though i still miss him. I don’t think you will ever get over or used to losing a pet. We will get another dog or two at some stage, just not yet
It is incredibly hard losing a pet. We had cats over many years and they all loved to be very old. Watching them become frail was one of the hardest things ever. Max looked like a very beautiful dog. Malmutes are gorgeous.
It is hard losing a pet, especially having to make that decision rather than it be natural. All our pets live to be a very old age. Which is lovely as means they have the best life, but watching them get old is hard. Max was a dog in a million, we would never get one the same again
It is so tough losing a treasured pet as they are very much part of the family
They are part of the family, which is why their loss does hit hard
when any member of the family departs its such a massive shock – be there for those who need
I agree, we all grieve in different ways, being understanding, caring and supportive is what we all need
I remember as a child, the first time we lost a dog, I was inconsolable for two weeks. So were my brother and sisters. It would have been so hard on my mum, with four of us crying daily. Mum bought us another dog, but she didn’t replace Louis, but Sally helped ease our pain. We still speak of Louis fondly to this day, 40+ years later.
It is so hard, especially on children, my daughter was so upset the first dog we lost. You can never replace a pet, but you can get another which helps you heal and brings their own joy and personality
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you were able to work through it and share your experience. Losing a pet is like losing any other member of the family, and it is incredibly difficult. I’m not surprised he came to see you both. Our dog did the same when he passed.
It is so hard to lose any member of the family, including a much loved pet. It was very real there was no reason why I was even thinking it and then for my husband to experience similar on the same day, neither of us mentioned it until days later
one of the hardest things I had to face and go through…It was heartbreaking and was crying for weeks….Great tips…
I got teary writing the post a year on, memories come up and pictures of that cheeky face, we do talk about him laughing now