How Can You Prepare Your Child For Heartbreak

I feel I need to apologise and explain why I have been so quiet lately.  You may remember in my June Round Up post, that my Father In Law, was ill and had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Sadly, he lost his fight on 4th July in the late afternoon, my Mother In Law was heartbroken we knew he was going down hill very fast, but none of us thought it would be so quick.

My husband and I were out that evening, for my husbands work, and we could not get out of going, we decided to not tell C until the next morning, as we wanted to be there when she had been told and secondly, we wanted to give her a good nights sleep.

When she woke the next day, I sat down and did one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and break her heart telling her that her Grandad had died, we had a few tears and a cuddle, and I told her we were going to see Nanny later.  She seemed ok and I kept popping my head in to see if she was ok, when she looked up and just broke down.  We had a cuddle and talked about how Grandad was really ill, and that when we saw him the week before about all the laughing and giggling the two of them had done, which seemed to calm her down.

We went over to my Mother In Laws and C seemed ok, and then I think it really hit her and she sobbed her heart out most of the time we were there, but I think it is something she needed to do.

This has had an effect on her health, and she has gone into a huge crash which is hard, and she has seemed so miserable, death of a close relative is hard on anyone, but when you have a chronic illness and bedbound, you can not really escape from it.

We had the funeral on Monday, and we tried to prepare her the best we could, my niece did not attend as she is slightly younger, C seemed ok on the day, and we had a few laughs about Grandad on our way.  It really hit he when we were in the crematorium and she saw the coffin, I looked at her and her heart broke and she sobbed her heart out into my shoulder all the way through.  Watching your child so upset is honestly one of the hardest things you ever have to see.

On the way to the wake, we spoke about Grandad and told her that everyone would be telling funny stories about him and laughing.

One little in joke they had between them was orange smarties, and on the way to the funeral we stopped to get a cold drink and there were tubes of orange smarties which we had to buy, and this really did make her happy, as it was as if Grandad was still teasing her about them.

She did suffer through the rest of the day, but no matter how hard you try to prepare them, you just can never prepare them enough.

My Mother in Law is staying with us for a couple of weeks, which is helping the both of them and I have heard them both chatting and laughing together.

I now know there is nothing you can do to prepare your child for this, all you can do is be there for them, as hard as it is to watch their hearts break, you really can not do anything more.

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10 Comments

  1. 25/07/2018 / 3:30 pm

    My children have lost 3 great grandparents and each one effected my daughter differently. My grandfather she didn’t know very well but my Granny she had really bonded with after we moved into the same town. She took that one a lot harder. Losing another great grandparent after that she took more in her stride as it was a release from dementia. I dread what happens when my parents’ generation pass on.

    Hope your daughter can find happiness in the memories.

    • admin
      Author
      25/07/2018 / 4:31 pm

      Thank you, she has lost great grandparents but was a lot younger and we dealt with it all at a different level,but this was her first actual grandparent and first time at a funeral. She has been very quiet since, but think this is also a lot to do with her illness as well x

  2. 25/07/2018 / 4:45 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear this we went through similar around Christmas it’s hard for everyone especially the little ones.

    • admin
      Author
      25/07/2018 / 5:39 pm

      I am so sorry you have experienced this as well, it is hard especially for children x

    • admin
      Author
      25/07/2018 / 9:34 pm

      Thank you x

  3. 26/07/2018 / 6:53 am

    Im so sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of you all at this difficult time. Maybe C could make a memory box of her grandad over the summer (if she is ready) to help her.

    • admin
      Author
      26/07/2018 / 11:16 am

      Thank you, and what a great idea I will mention this to her but she is in a crash at the moment x

    • admin
      Author
      29/07/2018 / 1:16 pm

      Thank you x

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