The ups and downs of living with a teen

Being a StepMum – The Older Years

Last year I wrote a post about being a StepMum (or Dad), and my views on it.  If you missed the post you can read it here.  I was so surprised at just how many comments I received on this, also on social media and direct messages.

I thought I would do an updated version, now my boys are officially men, one is 21 and the other just turned 18, I find this part very hard to get used too, especially for the younger one.

These two boys, have had a far few trying times in their lives, but I am so proud of them both.  The eldest works full time, saves and moved out of home a few years ago and supports himself.

The younger has just finished a college course and passed, is starting another course next year, he works weekends, and now college has finished for him for this year, he is working full time.

I speak to them both daily, I can’t seem to get rid of them :), but honestly I love it.  A message will pop up on facebook, or I will get a text, or they ask me to give them a ring.  Although I did refused to call the younger one at 12.40am the other week.

The eldest has been spending a lot of time with us at weekends lately, we have had quite a few heart to hearts and he has started to call me Mum, yes that did make me cry and I told him (did say they were happy tears and something I never thought he would call me).

The younger one, is on another planet half the time, but that is his age and he loves nothing more than winding me up and he knows just the buttons to pull.  Recent conversations have been.

  • I am going to have one of those ear stretches today, I do not like to tell them how to live their lives, but did give the lecture about if he doesn’t like it there is no going back, and about how it will look when he is  a lot older.  Later that day he rang me said he had it done and it was the size of a teaspoon, I did start to tell him off until I realised he was laughing at me.
  • Just before he turned 18, he said when he is 18 he is going to buy a gun.  He knows my views on guns and he got the lecture again, and yes he was winding me up again.

There are so many more, and yes he may be over 6ft tall but he still gets a clip round the ear for being cheeky.  He calls me is ‘wicked’ stepmum which is our little joke.

On the last bank holiday, for the first time in years, we actually had all 3 children together for the whole weekend and under one roof, I went to bed with a huge smile on my face knowing all my kids were together, it is such a lovely feeling.

Growing UP
Growing Up – my 3 babies x

Since my Daughter has been ill, they have really stepped up in their big brother roles, they have both become very protective over their sister, and if they have not spoken to her that day, they message me and ask me how she is, when they are here they often go and sit in with her chatting, or just chilling with her and they are forever spoiling her.  Such a lovely change to when they were all little where all they did was fight or argue all the time.

I feel so lucky to have such wonderful children they all make me so proud and I know that the 3 of them will always have each others back and will always look out for each other.

Being a Stepmum/dad is a hard job but it can be one of the most rewarding things you can ever do, I admit we have had some very rough times with the boys, but they were kids.  As adults we forget how it must feel for them.  They have both admitted to me they were horrible and they can not believe I still carried on and did not give up on them, and they have said thank you.  I told them I love them and would never give up on them and walk away.

Are you a step-parent or are you a stepchild, how did affect your life?

 

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20 Comments

    1. It is hard, and at times really hard, but they were kids and it is difficult two houses two sets of rules. They adore their sister and she adores her brothers, and I hate it when all 3 are together as they all gang up on me. I think I am one of the lucky stepmums x

  1. It’s lovely to hear that you enjoy such a positive relationship with your step-kids. I don’t have children of my own as yet and I’m still single, but I bet it must be challenging to bond with another person’s children at first.

    1. It is strange at first I will admit, and at the start they were just cheeky little boys and you could not help but fall in love with them, as they got older, they were horrible they know it, and admit it. I actually think our relationship is stronger now than when they were little,they really are great boys and proud to call them my sons x

  2. My partner is a step Dad to my 2 wonderful boys. We also have another boy together.
    All of them get treated exactly the same and it is so lovely how he took them on and had no qualms.
    They now have a man in their life who they adore, respect and grow up with.

    1. Aww thank you, they were little, they never asked to be in that situation and they deserved stability of some sort. We do have a great relationship now x

  3. I salute your patience and hardwork for being a stepmum. I am still single though I could imagine how tough it was. Great to see that your relationship is stronger now. 🙂

    1. Thank you, I wont lie it was a lot of hardwork and my patience was tried and tested many times, but they were kids and you have to allow for that. But now they are great boys and they choose to see us and talk to us and that means everything x

    1. I agree being a parent is a hard enough job, but I was a stepmum before I was a mum, so think that may have helped as it was a totally new experience for all of us and we got through it together x

  4. Aw this is such a lovely post, it sounds like you’ve done a brilliant job with your lads! I was “stepmum” to my ex’s three little ones for three years before we split up, it was hard at times but I loved it and definitely miss them far more than I miss him!

    1. Aww it is a shame when you are a step-parent and the relationship does not work with their parent and you have to say goodbye, that would have hurt me. My boys are great and are such protective big brothers to their sister, or all gang up on me x

  5. I’m a stepmum to a 9 year old and i must admit I am anxious of how our relationship will change as he gets older. I dread the “you’re not my mum” argument as his hormones kick in! Sounds like your stepsons are very good young men.

    1. I always worried about the ‘you are not my mum’ being thrown at me, and neither of them ever said it. It has always been our little joke that I am ‘wicked’ stepmum, and I maybe that is why. They are now both grown men as the youngest has just turned 18, and they probably talk to me more than they do their Dad now 🙂

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