Marriage – Yes or No?

I read an interesting article the other day about marriage, and what it means to people now and is it a thing of the past. Do we need to get married now.

I first married when I was 24 I had the huge white wedding, the bridesmaids, the page boy and ushers the huge dress, the big reception, the whole works. We settled into married life but it was not a happy marriage and we were married for 7 years.  I was mentally abused I went from someone who knew my own mind to someone who was totally different, one day I had enough and we split up and a very messy divorce followed.

I met my now husband and we had both had messy past relationships and were very happy, one day we decided to get married, we had a small wedding totally different and it was perfect, and 16 years on and 13 years married, he has brought me back to the person I used to be, he has given me the most precious gift anyone can give, our beautiful daughter and 2 lovely stepsons.

I know we would still have the same relationship if we were not married, but to me it is important I feel proud to say I am his wife, it does complete me.

I have friends who are not married and been together a long time and have children and they are just as happy and have no intentions of getting married.

I also have friends who have had to get married for various reasons, they are happy and would have been just as happy if they had stayed unmarried, but legal reasons forced their hand really.

The response this article got what quite surprising with how everyone felt, some people thought if you were in a committed long term relationship, you should be married.  Others felt that why should they be pressured by society into marriage.

To me I could not care less if someone was married or not, it is a personal choice.

What do you think about marriage

Do you think it should still be valued or do you think it is up to the individuals?

Does it change how you feel about someone who is not married when they have a family?

I am intrigued really to see how others feel as I was quite shocked

 

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45 Comments

  1. 11/01/2016 / 2:08 pm

    I think marriage is a personal choice. I don’t think people should feel obligated or pressured by society to get married if they feel it’s not for them. After all, when marriage was first invented people who lived beyond 30 were considered old. Now people can live beyond 80 and agreeing to 60 years of ANYTHING is daunting.

    • admin
      Author
      11/01/2016 / 2:35 pm

      Totally agree but was shocked that some people still thought not being married was wrong.

  2. 11/01/2016 / 2:11 pm

    I think it’s personal choice – its up to everyone what they do or don’t do. It doesn’t affect me so why should I be worried about it? If that makes sense lol.. x

    • admin
      Author
      11/01/2016 / 2:36 pm

      Yes it does make sense, and I agree, what I do in my life is no one elses business and what they do in theirs is no one elses business. Which is what I thought was common thinking these days

  3. 11/01/2016 / 2:22 pm

    I do think marriage is a personal choice too. I would like to get married one day, but my partner doesn’t. He may change his mind in a few years time but I may change my mind by then too as I don’t want to get married in my late 30’s or 40’s I don’t think.

    • admin
      Author
      11/01/2016 / 2:38 pm

      It is personal choice, and it is something you both want to do. You make me sound so old now x

  4. 11/01/2016 / 2:36 pm

    I like being married, but yes, it should be a personal choice. If two people can co-exist happily without being labelled as married, then why not?

    • admin
      Author
      11/01/2016 / 2:39 pm

      I like being married, but agree it is personal choice x

  5. 11/01/2016 / 2:52 pm

    I think it is down to personal choice. Personally due to family issues I don’t want to get married I have seen what it does to the people I love in my family and I would rather be alone. My aunty was abused in her first marriage, my dad separated from my birth mother who ran away with another man before finding her now ex-husband she is in the proceeds of divorcing because he did something bad to her which I cannot divulge, my grandmother was married to an abusive alcoholic and as domestic abuse runs through my family I don’t want it to be a case of history repeating itself.

    • admin
      Author
      11/01/2016 / 3:24 pm

      Oh Ana that is heartbreaking to read and I really don’t blame you. My family have always been in happy marriages my parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next week. I was in an abusive first marriage and found the strength with the help of others to get out of it. I am now very happy in my life. Marriage isn’t for everyone for many different reasons. I was just surprised that some people thought it was what you should do

  6. 11/01/2016 / 4:42 pm

    I do think it’s personal choice, I had my wedding booked for last year, but I think the pressure made us break up. We are now back together and whilst I would love to be married, at the moment we work the way we are.

    • admin
      Author
      11/01/2016 / 5:29 pm

      Weddings can be such a stressful time, am glad you sorted things out and are back together again

  7. Claire
    11/01/2016 / 9:53 pm

    Good subject.
    I’m 36 and never been married. I’ve had two long term relationships but they were both abusive, so in a way I’m glad that there was no marriage, or children involved.
    Having said that…. I do still have these silly hopes that I might one day marry but I have to say, that hope is fading as I realise my issues after the failed past have affected me worse than I thought… So in my heart I’d love to… I’m not sure my head would allow it. Does that make sense?

    What DOES annoy me is so-called celebrities that marry in a minute and divorce 6 months later- serial marriager!! There’s just something wrong with that…

    Do I believe it’s necessary nowadays… Possibly not but I’m kinda old fashioned and even though I’ve never dreamt of a full white wedding (hate being centre of attention!!!), the idea of having an equal partner… It’s a nice thought…. A nice dream… I guess!
    I’ve waffled enough! Interesting g to read the views!!
    Claire 🙂
    Xx
    http://pennyforthemuk.com

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 10:03 am

      My first marriage was an abusive marriage and I am so glad we never had children so that I never had to set eyes on him again. Neither myself or my husband wanted to marry again, but it just happened he has helped me grow back to the person I used to be before my first marriage.
      I agree with the ‘serial-marriager’ I believe if you marry someone you have to do it for the right reasons and not just a big party.

      I think these days it is down to personal choice as some people want to marry and others just want to not be. I honestly thought this was how everyone thought these days but was shocked that was not the case

  8. 11/01/2016 / 10:07 pm

    it’s a personal choice. I know some friends that want to get married after they’ve had a child with their partner because of wanting the same surname. Others I know are together, have kids and don’t ever plan to get married.

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 9:58 am

      Same here x

  9. 11/01/2016 / 10:37 pm

    I think marriage should be valued but I do believe it’s personal choice – many, many people feel the need to get married to complete their relationship whereas others are happy as they are. I, personally, don’t plan to get married, but I do think it depends on if I meet the right person or not!

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 9:56 am

      I admit I do feel more complete being married, it is all personal choice there are no right or wrongs.

  10. 11/01/2016 / 11:37 pm

    I have to say after my 2nd marriage 8 months ago that I regret nothing – we married and we made vows sadly they could not be kept – not by me but by both my ex-husbands- perhaps 3rd time lucky for me ha

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 9:54 am

      Oh no am so sorry x

  11. 12/01/2016 / 6:41 am

    After marrying young and divorcing before our second anniversary I vowed I would never marry again – why? But then I met the right man. Our wedding anniversary is this weekend. 🙂

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 9:53 am

      Happy anniversary x

  12. 12/01/2016 / 10:29 am

    I do think marriage is a personal choice and for me it is an important part of my life x

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 11:04 am

      I agree it is a personal choice x

  13. 12/01/2016 / 11:16 am

    Marriage was important to me and was something I always wanted to do. I understand people not warning to though and I have friends in much more loving unmarried relationships than some of my married friends. x

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 1:21 pm

      Same here x

  14. 12/01/2016 / 11:48 am

    Marriage like most have said is a personal choice. As long as you are both in for the right reasons, it would be fine.

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 1:21 pm

      Totally agree x

  15. Catstello
    12/01/2016 / 2:02 pm

    I think marriage is a personal choice and my view is each to their own. I’m very grateful to live a society which has adapted and doesn’t put too much pressure on women to marry anymore.

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 3:03 pm

      I totally agree, and thought that was the commen thoughts of everyone now, but it seemed not with what I read which was why I was interested to hear others views

  16. 12/01/2016 / 3:52 pm

    I agree marriage is a personal choice and we are lucky enough to live in a society where we can make that choice. However, I do personally feel that there is something different between living together and being married. The simple act of standing up in front of family and friends and saying that this person is the one I want to spend my life with shouldn’t be underrated.

    • admin
      Author
      12/01/2016 / 7:03 pm

      I understand what you are saying, but for some people the commitment to be together is enough. I like being married and liked standing in front of my friends and family declaring that this is the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with

  17. 13/01/2016 / 5:45 pm

    I don’t know if I ever want to get married, but it seems to make sense for legal reasons and money etc. I’d rather spend the money on a luxury holiday!

    • admin
      Author
      13/01/2016 / 9:01 pm

      You could have a fantastic holiday 🙂

  18. Laura
    15/01/2016 / 12:35 pm

    I totally think marriage is a choice and should be up to the individuals. I also think the WEDDING should be a choice too.If you want the big white dress and huge reception great, have a fantastic time. If you want just you and your husband or wife and two strangers as witnesses, fine. Do it your way, it’s for YOU TWO no one else.

    • admin
      Author
      15/01/2016 / 9:26 pm

      Totally agree, you will always regret it if you don’t do what you want to do and try to please everyone

  19. 20/01/2016 / 12:06 pm

    I think marriage is a personal choice. I married my now husband almost 12 years ago after being together for 3 years with 2 children together. It was a huge affair which we are still paying for and in hindsight I wish we had been more low key as it’s more ‘us’. I believe that the sanctity of marriage should be valued of course and it’s not something to be undertaken on a whim. It takes work and is a partnership. However I believe the same goes for those living as a married couple without the formality of a wedding.
    If people chose to have a family before getting married then that is totally their choice. As long as the values of love, respect, faithfulness and compassion are present in the home, then why not? Each to their own x

  20. 21/01/2016 / 10:24 pm

    I think that marriage is a personal choice – like everything it can be good or it can be bad. It depends on experience, I am glad that I married my husband. =)

    • admin
      Author
      22/01/2016 / 7:20 am

      I totally agree I made a bad choice first time around, but this time I made the right choice I agree it is personal choice x

  21. 21/01/2016 / 10:35 pm

    Whilst I can see why marriage is a big deal to some people, it’s absolutely a case of personal choice these days. For me I see it more as the natural progression of a relationship, a sign of commitment if you like, but there are those that would argue that buying a house together is a bigger commitment than marriage! Live and let live, I say 🙂 x

    • admin
      Author
      22/01/2016 / 7:19 am

      I totally agree, these days there is no right or wrong, yes years ago you were expected to get married, but now it is down to the couples with what they want to do.

  22. 22/01/2016 / 9:34 am

    I think in this day and age marriage is not a necessary step to show that you love someone so it’s completely up to the individuals as to whether it’s the sort of step they want to take. I myself would still like to get married one day 🙂

    • admin
      Author
      22/01/2016 / 10:56 am

      Totally agree, I do love being married though x

  23. 28/01/2016 / 3:51 pm

    I think society sees marriage differently now, it’s not necessary in many circles. I am not married, we’re in a long term commitment, we live together with my daughter and we are committed. My dad would like me to be married because he is a devout Christian, but for me it’s not necessary. Would I like to be a wife, yes, can I afford to get married and deal with the stress of the day? No. Does it make a difference to the love I feel? No.

    • admin
      Author
      28/01/2016 / 4:46 pm

      Totally agree, it is different these days to what it was years ago

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