The ups and downs of living with a teen

How do you know?

For us Mums, raising a family is a lot more than just making sure the kids are fed and watered and have clean clothes etc.  We have to be mind readers also.  How do we know we are doing it right?

Just a few things that have come up recently between myself and my Daughter

  1. Homework – Ok I know we have just had the school holidays, but everyday I ask her if she has homework and if so when it is to be in by. Over the holidays I asked her and she said she just had maths. Us parents also get a nice little email reminding us our child has homework and we can log in to see, which I did to find a long list of history as well.  Queue arguments and strops, so the nagging starts and she eventually does her history.  The nagging starts again and I get Dad involved and she finally did her Maths with him sitting over her.  I can not get through to her if she did it straight away, it would be done and could be put away and forgotten about, and no more nagging.  But no this seems to be a regular argument in our house, and many across the country.
  2. Illness – I have to say I am pretty good at knowing if my Daughter is ill, and she is pretty good at knowing if she is well enough for school or not, usually going in to see how she gets on.  On New Years Eve and yes just before the clock struck midnight, she came over to me her legs were shaking and hurt, and since then she has had pains in her leg.  Now as any Mum (or Dad) will know pain can be for any reason and you get on with it and hope it will work itself away, I do worry sometimes depending which leg and where due to her break previously.  So yesterday, I had enough of her whinging on about it and took her to the Dr.  We are monitoring it for now and to just take pain relief, Ok, so there may be something wrong,
  3. Putting things away – My biggest thing with my Daughter is, I do her washing and ironing, I pair socks up etc, I place them nicely in her bedroom for her to put away all nice and tidy. In a 12 year olds view this means opening her wardrobe door and launching everything in , and yes this does include underwear. She apparently tidied her bedroom and draws last week.  So this morning, with 10 minutes until the bus was due, why was I  in her bedroom going mad as she could not find a pair of socks and hunting for her pe kit that had been nicely washed and ironed. She found it eventually and a pair of socks.

I walked her over to the bus stop just chatting – yes we had made up by then, asked if she had brushed her teeth she forgot. How do you forget, so there I go again

So today, I am coming down hard, I am going to write a chart and she has to do all these jobs before being allowed any of her electronics. She won’t like it but tough, will I like it not much as it is my job to do all these things, but she is 12 not 3.  She is getting lazy and just not doing anything apart from chatting with friends and drawing.

I will update as to how she takes it, she won’t like it and we will have tantrums and not fair, and banging around, maybe slamming doors.

How do you cope with your pre-teens?

 

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23 Comments

  1. I know so many people who think their job as a parent is to be friends with their kids, and let them get away with murder. Well no, it’s not. You’re absolutely right the way you’re handling it, you’re her mum first and her friend second-so yes it sounds like you get on well and can chat happily, but first things first you make sure she’s growing into an organised human being. Well done!

    1. That is a lot of the trouble these days, parents do want to be friends with their children. You can do both we are very close but I do remind her I am her Mum. I was going to write up a list of jobs today but been tied up with other things. She has to learn in my opinion, I don’t mind a bit of mess but just want it tidied up properly once a week at least. She on the other hand thinks I am a really mean horrible mum who always nags

  2. I have never got involved with either of my children’s homework as the school will sort them out if they don’t do it so they will learn that way. I do sometimes ask if she’s done it like in the Christmas holiday as she kept mentioning it so I said “if you do it and get it out of the way, you can relax and enjoy the rest of your break”. I think she completed it a couple of days before she went back! My parents never got involved with mine either so I think that’s why I just leave mine to it.

    1. I wish I was like that, as I have told her that it is down to her if she gets a detention for not doing it, but I like to give her the chance, I am too soft

    1. I am so sorry, there are a lot of good times as well honestly, it isn’t all bad. Maybe I should make a resolution to write the nicer side posts of a pre teen as well

  3. Oh I totally feel your pain! What is with forgetting to brush teeth?!?! Seriously Olivia does it all the time and the new favourite ‘my tummy hurts’ at bedtime. Plants the seed early. ps I cope with lots and lots of chocolate and coffee and not nearly enough wine!

    1. She is fine at night will brush her teeth without thinking about it, but I just don’t understand why it is not the same in the mornings, it is the first thing I do. I get this hurts and that hurts usually the night before pe the next day. Chocolate and coffee works here as well 🙂

    1. I dont mind a bit of mess, but there is a bit of mess and there is a tip. I think she knows that I will eventually go in and do it and I am trying so hard now not to go and do it for her

    1. It must be a Mum thing :), although we put a desk in her room earlier as a surprise while she was at school, when she came home she found it in there, and I said she has to tidy her room and she did no arguing I was shocked

  4. Mine are still young but I am training them to do things properly now… Will they learn ? Who knows….eeeeek, wish me luck …haha

  5. Mine is still really small but I remember being a pre teen well and my mum struggled with me – I wasn’t even that bad compared to one of my friends. Think it was all the hormones, something I wasn’t used to if that makes sense

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