It has been a while since I have done this, in fact it has been far too long.
You have had a pretty tough year, and I do see the sadness in your eyes, I am your Mum I can read you like a book. I can see the pain you are in, I can see when you are sad. It breaks my heart that I can not give you a cuddle or a spoonful of Calpol and take it all away, and you know I would swap with you in a heartbeat if I could, so you could have your life back.
Last year, you were diagnosed with Severe ME and Fibromyalgia, when we saw your Consultant recently he added possible POTS to that as well, which we are still waiting on a diagnosis for. Your medication has been changed and I can see a glimpse of the old you. I occasionally see that bit of sparkle in your eyes, you have a little joke with me, and you are up for a bit more conversation.
This year you became an Aunt, and although you have never been a baby girl, you love your Niece, even on your bad days, when I show you a photo or video of her your eyes light up as you smile, you have waved at her on Facetime, and recently you even managed a trip out to see her and have a cuddle.
You no longer see any of your friends, this makes me sad, but I do understand, you do still have other friends who you talk to online when you are up to it, so I know you are not just stuck with listening to me chatter away.
You have also blown me away with your talent, I know I keep telling you, but I am not just saying it because I am your Mum, I am saying it as you really are very talented. You have always loved art and drawing of any kind. Can you remember the creations you used to come out with at school? But because you can no longer read, due to your brain fog and concentration, you have challenged this into your drawing.
I have hope that during the summer we will be able to enjoy a few trips out, to be able to have some fun times, and when we know you are up to it, we are going to book our first trip away together, to have a family holiday. The last time we went away was to Paris, just before you started secondary school and just a couple of months before you became ill.
I am looking forward to the summer, as although we are still taking small steps, I think we will have more fun days going out and you having your aunt cuddles.
I love you darling
Sometimes we have to tell our children things straight from the heart here Tanya from Cracked Nails and Split Ends shares a letter to her daughter.