During Babyloss Awareness Week I wrote about my struggle to become a Mum, the heartache I felt and the struggle I had.
I recently had an email regarding my diaries that I wrote whilst I was pregnant with my Daughter. They were going to be gone soon, so I have saved them and thought I would share on here in a few posts month by month how I felt during my pregnancy.
This is more for my memories, but I hope you enjoy them
28th March 2003
My name is Sam and I am currently 7 weeks and 6 days pregnant. It was a huge shock to discover I was pregnant as I have in the past suffered 7 miscarriages, the last one in January this year, so we were not trying for a baby had one ‘accident’ and three weeks ago (thursday) I did a pregnancy test and have never seen such a vivid blue line, because of my previous problems I managed to get an appointment to see my doctor that afternoon, who in turn arranged for me to see a consultant, an appointment was made for the following Monday, since then I have had a scan last Tuesday when I was 6 weeks 3 days pregnant, and we saw the heartbeat, and the baby was 6mm. I had a further scan this Tuesday 25th March and the baby had grown to 11.9mm, it is so reassuring to see.
Even though we had wanted this pregnancy for so long I did not think morning sickness would be 24 hour sickness. I have gone off and can not even think about tea or coffee (which is not a bad thing I know), I have never felt so sick or tired in my life. But am so glad I am feeling so sick, as I have been told that this is a good sign. I am taking each day as it comes and my next milestone is 9 weeks and then 12 weeks and then 15 weeks, after which time I hope I will be able to settle happily into pregnancy. And what about the boobs, they are painful as well. My parents and husbands family are all over the moon, but don’t sympathise with me over the sickness as they all say it is a very good sign, oh how nice it is to have such a supporting family.
I am seeing my consultant next Friday so will update you again then
5th April 2003
I had another hospital appointment yesterday and saw my consultant, all the hospital staff are lovely and make you feel so at ease, especially with my past problems. I had another scan and saw my baby’s heartbeat so know that everything is going ok, and I don’t need to go back until 25th April to see my consultant again, but if I want reassurance or have any problems I can phone and they will see me.
I have been signed off work this week due to sickness, I really expected just to feel a bit sicky in the mornings and not 24 hours a day but at least it is a good strong sign, as everyone keeps telling me. I feel no different to last week, but hope the sickness will pass soon so I that I can then enjoy my pregnancy.
Well that is it from me this week, will update again when I have anymore news or changes.
20th April 2003
Haven’t updated for a while. Well nothing much to add. I am still very sick and still signed off work. It was my birthday on Wednesday, but felt so awful we didn’t celebrate. My parents came over to see me and Mum brought over a blanket she has knitted together with knitting pattens, they are both so excited.
I have noticed a change in my body though, I can’t get some of my clothes on, what a nightmare, as I don’t look pregnant and not ready for maternity clothes but my own clothes are getting to small.
I am seeing my consultant next Friday and have my 12 week scan on 28th, it will be so exciting as I havent had a scan for a few weeks so am hoping there is a change.
Will update again on Friday once I have seen my consultant.
26th April 2003
Well I am 12 weeks today, I can’t believe it after losing so many babies I can’t begin to explain how I am feeling.
I saw my consultant yesterday and he gave me a scan as I haven’t seen him for 3 weeks, and so much had changed I saw the baby’s head, body and legs and it was moving around, I was in awe of it and just wanted to cry. Mind you I can’t stop crying these days anything sets me off, my husband is used to it now. I phoned my mum when we got home and she is just as excited as we are and has been itching to go and buy something (obviously her knitting is not enough), so I said she could now.
I have my official 12 week scan on Monday, I am just so excited.
I am still feeling very sick though and just hope that it will pass at some stage soon.
I will write again on Monday to let you know how it all went
29th April 2003
I had my 12 weeks scan yesterday, and everything went well, all seems to be ok and low risk result to the tests done.
One thing that I have decided though, is that I am not suffering morning sickness at all it is sea sickness, as the baby didn’t stay still for a second, and when they were trying to check the skull and brain it kept spinning about, just hope it settles down a bit when there isn’t so much room to move about in.
I keep getting my scan pictures out and looking at them.
Just thought I would update and let you know how I got on. I will update with any new developments.
This is my first part of the diary, although 12 years ago, I can remember every second.