I posted the other week my story about the battle I had to become a Mum during Babyloss Awareness Week, you can read it here if you missed it.
This is my story of those early days.
At 3.45am on 7th November 2003 my wish came true I was a Mummy, it really does only seem like yesterday I remember holding my newborn baby daughter in my arms for the first time, and the bulldozer of emotions that hit you, as to how much you love this tiny little person, it is a love you will never have felt before, you can not describe it, it just hits you.
My husband went home at some stage after she was born, to make the phone calls and have a rest and shower before coming back up with a huge list of things from me. I was left alone in a room just me and my baby girl, I couldn’t sleep, I just laid there starting at her. I wanted to feed her myself and she was so good and latched on, unfortunately, my milk supply didn’t want to come through, she had to be fed and so we had to use formula. I did not get upset I just wanted her happy, it was one of those things.
Before we were moved to the ward (we had to stay in for 24 hours as I had Gestational Diabetes and they needed to monitor my bloods), I had the pleasure of that first nappy, as I stood there chatting away to her, with her just lying there looking at me, I made a right mess of things and had to totally change her.
The next day we were allowed home, I was scared and excited all in one, the day I never thought would happen. My husband (now don’t forget he had 2 boys so was a pro at the newborn baby stage), said about bathing her, so he got the bath ready and I got all the little bits and pieces, stripped her off and said there you go (yes I was scared stiff, she was tiny, I would hurt her, she would slip, I would get her bellybutton wet), he said no you have to do it I can bath a baby. It went well and we settled into a routine.
I spent most of those first few days/weeks staring at her even now with her approaching 12 I sit and stare at her sometimes, thinking she is just perfect.
I never got the baby blues, I never felt deprived of sleep, everything was perfect, she was such a happy and contented baby.
I do tell her how precious she is, and one day I will tell her my story, for now she does not need to know. Everyday I thank my lucky stars for giving me the most precious gift in the world.